“I am going to tell you about the great king Vikramaditya,
also known as Vikram.” Said Budhi. “He was the king of Ujjain, India. He
was famous for his intelligence, humbleness, generosity and virtue. He was
loved among all his subjects. He goes beyond and above to help any subjects who
are in need. Ujjain kingdom have never seen a glorious king like Vikram.”
“How does he look like Budhi?” Shena asked.
“ Little girl, I have mentioned before not to interrupt me!
I will let it go this time, if you do this one more time, you can go on your
own way and never come back. Do you understand?
“ I am sorry Budhi, I will not repeat this mistake again,
please continue.” Shena uttered with fear.
“ Okay, I shall answer your question as well. He looked as
radiant as the sun, tall and handsome. Women, upon looking at him fell in love
with his beauty. When they hear his voice, they willingly gave their heart to
him. One day, a monk went to Vikram’s palace and asked for a place to stay. Vikram
made sure that the monk had more than what he needed to have a good stay at his
palace.” Budhi continued. “ The monk gave Vikram a fruit every day in return
for letting the monk stay in his palace. Vikram gave these fruits to the
treasurer. One day, instead of the treasurer, Vikram gave these fruit to a
monkey, when the monkey split open the fruit, a precious gem was spotted.
Vikram called up on the treasurer and asked him what he did with the fruit and
the treasurer replied by saying that he threw the fruits away. He also noted
that he could go look for the thrown away fruits and collect the gems. Vikram
gave all the gems to the treasurer. He then sent out a guard to fetch the monk.
When the monk came in, he asked him why he was presenting him with such
precious gems. The monk replied by saying that he wanted a favor and only
someone as brave as Vikram was only able to carry out such a favor. Without
thinking, Vikram agreed to do the monk a favor. The monk asked Vikram to meet
him at the forest next to the graveyard on the next full moon. The monk warned
him that no one else could know about the arrangement between them. Vikram
nodded his head as in agreement to what the monk said.
Author’s note
I have not added anything to the story; I pretty much said
the story as it is. I feel like I need to polish my story more since it lacks
many details. I based this story off Twenty – Two Goblins. I am planning on
going back and adding more details to this story.
Bibliography
To access the original story click here
Bibliography
To access the original story click here
I have not read the story of Vikram before, but your story made me want to know what happens in the forest. The language you used seemed unnatural, and there were a few grammar mistakes that made the story more difficult to read. For instance, the quote “I am sorry Budhi, I will not repeat this mistake again, please continue” would sound more natural if you said, “I’m sorry Budhi! I won’t interrupt you again. Please continue the story.” You say, “The monk gave Vikram a fruit every day in return for letting the monk stay in his palace.” Here it seems like there are 3 people since you use “monk” twice. Instead say something such as, “In return for letting him stay in the place, the monk gave Vikram a fruit every day.” Reread the story aloud and try to make it sound more natural. Additionally, if you wanted to add more details to this story, you can get rid of Budhi as the storyteller and just talk about Vikram directly.
ReplyDeleteI felt a little confused reading your story. There were some grammar errors that made it a little confusing. I don't think that the first part was necessary to the story but I never read the original so maybe it is. I think that your story needs more details but it does make me want to find out what the favor was so it did keep me interested.
ReplyDeleteHi Anu! I really enjoyed reading your story. I thought it was interesting especially since I have not read the story about Vikram. I also liked the plot of the story. I could tell there was something suspicious about the monk and the way you left of with a cliffhanger made me want know what was next in the story. I am guessing you will be writing the rest in this weeks storytelling post? I will be looking forward to reading the rest
ReplyDeleteHi anu! this story reminds me of your one of your other stories. This is the second time hearing about Vikrim and i am kinda even more interested in him. There were a couple of grammar mistakes in the story. I liked your plot and how you ended the story with the cliffhanger. Anyways great story anu! I can not wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteGood reading, so enjoy with your writting!
ReplyDeletegclub
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