Hello, I chose to review your storybook this week. I will be talking about your cover page and introduction. First off, I really like the colors your chose to theme your storybook project. Also, I really like you comic book style image used on your cover page. I am not quite sure what your story is going to be about, but I already like it! Your introduction was great. I did not notice any misspellings as I read your introduction and I like the storyline overall. I think you are going to end up with a great storybook project when it is all over. I like how you used emotion in your story. This is something that I have found lacking in many of the Indian Epics and I think starting off with this was a good idea. “we are going to die here anyways”! Well I am enchanted and definitely want to keep reading. You have created a great hook for your readers. Good job and good luck on your storybook project!
Hello, I read through your introduction this week. I think you have really started off your storybook with a bang. This is a very good introduction story. I am very excited to hear what story the tree tells and how the kids do on the questions. There is one point where Jeevan is talking and says his name is Jeevan and Jeevan isn't capitalized, I would capitalize that. I also loved the color scheme for your storybook. The font size is a little on the small size for me, but your spacing is very large, which is something I really enjoyed. Your tree picture is absolutely wonderful. I think it is a great visual for the talking try. I like that there are bad guys in the story, the aunt and uncle. There is also tragedy. It is a great beginning to what I assume will be an amazing storybook.
Introduction: This story really makes me want to read about what happens next. The setting for the story is done well. I like how you had two children abandoned by family in a forest. It really speaks of the futility of the situation of the children. The children’s situation makes me angry with the aunt and uncle and makes me feel for the children so good job on breaking out the emotions of the reader. I like how the paragraph spacing but on the second half of the paper you went to double breaks when I think they should only be single breaks. The double breaks make it hard to read and cause breaks in the reading for the reader. Something else I would fix is that part of the story you have “character – “and at other parts, you have “character said” I would recommend switching to “character said” the other one is like reading a transcript.
Super stoked about your tree photo. I am pretty confused about Vethal. You spell the name as Vethal, Veetal, Vetaal, and Betal. Which one is it? Or are you meaning to spell it differently every time for a reason? So far I enjoyed reading your piece, but there are some things I would change. They aren’t life-threatening, or I guess “story-threatening”, but it would make it easier to read and understand. It seems you have two styles of writing. One is in a dialog/narrative (“he said”, “she replied”) and the other is in a script setup (Tree-“blah blah”). Second, your spacing on the introduction page is a little distracting. You are double spaced in some areas and triple spaced in others. I would make sure that you pay attention to formatting when pasting your writing into google sites, it distorts it sometimes. Overall, the changes that I mentioned are minor and your story seems to be pretty interesting! Also, I left a comment, so please don't kill the duck.
Hi Anu! I've read through your introduction, and it seems like you've already addressed most of the issues that everyone else pointed out. I think it's a really good start and a very interesting premise. The idea of adding a question at the end of each section will allow you to add a lot to the story of Shena and Jeevan, as well as reinforcing the main points of the stories about Vikram and Vetal. I really like your storybook layout. The colors are nice and very complimentary, but don't distract from the stories. Everything seems very easy to read and navigate, and you've chosen some really great pictures to help illustrate your storybook. One thing I would point out is that the caption for your introduction page is off-centered and it's a bit distracting. Otherwise, it seems like you're headed in the right direction. The stories of Vetal and Vikram are really interesting, so I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with them!
Hi Anu! I really liked reading your story book! I thought the layout and design you chose look great. I also liked how you wrote the introduction. There is so much drama I can already tell. You did a great job so far. I was able to follow along easily without any trouble. The story between Vetal and Vikram sounds really interesting. I can't wait to read more. Great Job Anu!
I like what you did with your site. Everything looks good. The colors go well with each other and the pictures you used matched your story. The story content itself is also pretty good. I like how your doing at as narrative done by the tree and not a story about the adventures of the children. For each question in the story, is it going to have moral aspect to it or are they going to be just basic questions about the story? You had some minor grammar issues. Some of the quotation marks are facing the wrong direction. Another thing is that some of your wording is repetitive. Your story mentions a lot “he or she said then an adjective.” Try changing it up adding different words liked cried, roars, and yelled. Anyways, I can not wait for what you have next in your story good luck
I really like the idea of a tree as a storyteller. Since they stay in the same spot for hundreds of years; it seems like they must have a good insight to the happenings of their residence. I also like your use of dialogue, especially the tree’s dialogue. You should consider changing up your sentence structure. It seems that you can combine sentences and reword some of the first paragraph, for instance, to spice things up a little bit. I don’t know the story of Vikram and Vetal, but it will make your story powerful if you Shena and Jeevan’s story parallels the story that Budhi tells. This story also reminds me of the story of Hansel and Gretel. Finally, I really like the picture you chose. It really enhances my ability to imagine the situation, and it gives the tree a personality. I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook.
Anu, I really like the title of your storybook! The only thing that I noticed was that you do not have any text underneath your first story, “Vikram”. I am assuming that there is supposed to be text here, but maybe there was just an error and you have to go back in and input that! I hope that me pointing this out helps! Otherwise, your introduction looks great! It has a lot of potential to make a really great storybook! I love how you wrote the dialogue between the different characters speaking to each other. I really felt like I was there in the moment and it helped me to visualize exactly where you are trying to go with your storybook. I think you are an excellent writer and I cannot wait to see what you end up writing for the rest of your storybook in the future! Overall, great job!
Hey what’s up Anu! This is the first time I am reading your storybook. So far it seems really interesting. It is cool how you are telling a story within a story. The talking tree reminds me of the story “Riddles of the Lake” in Mahabharata. When I look at the color scheme of your storybook gives me the idea of adventure. The color scheme fits with the idea of your storybook. – Comments on the Introduction
I read your first story and I like it a lot. I have one question though: Why did the monk put the gems in the fruit? I like your writing because it is very easy to follow. Your story will be even better when you add more details to it. Towards the end of the story you had one grammar mistake that I spotted. It should be, “The monk seemed so happy to see the king and told him what the favor was.” Good luck on the rest of your story. – Comments Story 1
The introduction flowed well into the first story. After the introduction and the story Vikram I was interested in what happened next. I liked how you had Budhi tell the story of Vikram and how you used Shena and Jeevan as the main characters of the story. It gave the story that Budhi told a nice touch. The spacing in the stories was good and it was easy to read. One thing that you might think on changing would be to move most of “Jeevan said” to the front of the sentence and then follow with what he said. In some cases the original works better but in others I think that may work better. For the picture in VIkram it might be better to in-large the photo and place it higher in the text because if I did not know that it was included I might have missed it. Good job on your storybook so far.
Hey Anu! This is my first post for your Storybook! I really like the design for your Storybook site. It was very pretty, however, it is a huge contrast to the image of Vikram and Vethal on your cover page. The design has a flowery, girly feel, but that image is pretty creepy! Your introduction was very well written! The dialogue helped improve it so much! It flowed very well, especially into your first story of “Vikram.” The story was very descriptive and well written. The author’s note was detailed. It seems as if though your Image information for the story is missing, because there is not a visible description written for it. Good job on everything you have done so far! Good luck with the rest of your Storybook!
Hi Anu! I just read your story "Vikram." I really liked how you led into it with some lines of dialogue between Budhi and Shena. This helps add to their characters and makes the transition into the story about Vikram much smoother. Also, including lines within the body of the story describing how Budhi is narrating helps make sure the reader is aware of the external story also going on. I liked where you were headed with the story, but it seemed a bit short. You did a really nice job of describing Vikram and his appearance, but it was a bit hard to follow what exactly was going on with the fruits and the gems. This was partially due to a few punctuation errors, so maybe if you have time, you could go back and proofread it a bit more carefully. I really liked the image you chose for this story because it helps reaffirm the monk as a very important character to what is going on. One change I would make is that the caption seems to be placed very far left of the picture. I'm not sure if this is a problem with my computer maybe, but it might be worth checking to make sure it's okay. Overall, I really liked where you were going with this story and I look forward to seeing how it continues!
Hi Anu! Thank you so much for reading my blog for this class! Thank you for all the feedback that you have given me! It has definitely helped me improve my writing! I loved reading your blog as well- your writing and stories have definitely been an inspiration. You are such a great friend and I appreciate that! Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hey Anu! I was super excited when I realized you were pulling inspiration from Ryder's Twenty-Two Goblins. I am the middle of reading that for my last story and it is definitely unique compared to the other stories in the reading choices for this class. I like your image choices for your Storybook! The one of Budhi is perfect and just what I would have imagined. I definitely encourage you to add at least one more story to let your readers get the conclusion of the story. I am also very interested to see how you translate the story into your own version.
I do not want to spoil the rest of the story for the other people in our class.I just really encourage everyone to take a look at this story. It is a very different way of telling an indian epics story. Keep up the great work!
Hello! This is my first time visiting your storybook, and I am overall impressed. I have visited your blog in the past, so I was excited to finally get a chance to look over your storybook! As the semester comes to an end, I am trying to make sure I've had a chance to go through each person's project as each one is so unique. I love your layout and design! I am not great with that stuff, so I'm a little jealous you figured out how to make yours so cute. I like the girly design, but was surprised to find your writing quite the opposite of girly and happy! Your introduction was great and flowed very well. I was interested the whole time, and thought the dialogue you included made me more invested in the story and excited to read the rest of your storybook. Overall, I think you have done a really great job bringing your project together! Great work!
Greetings! I have read your story entitled Vikram. The story was fun to read, but it makes a lot more sense when I read the introduction again. I guess one of the questions I have is wasn’t there supposed to be a question at the end of each story? I guess perhaps you were going to continue the story and ask a question then. It seems that Budhi was rather harsh on the children even though he took pity on them during the introduction. I think your story would have flowed better had you split the long portion of storytelling into multiple paragraphs. With regards to your picture I think that the picture makes sense, but maybe a picture of Budhi would have been more appropriate because he seemed to be the focus of the overall story. Overall the story was interesting and I wish I could read the rest of it!
Hello, I chose to review your storybook this week. I will be talking about your cover page and introduction. First off, I really like the colors your chose to theme your storybook project. Also, I really like you comic book style image used on your cover page. I am not quite sure what your story is going to be about, but I already like it! Your introduction was great. I did not notice any misspellings as I read your introduction and I like the storyline overall. I think you are going to end up with a great storybook project when it is all over. I like how you used emotion in your story. This is something that I have found lacking in many of the Indian Epics and I think starting off with this was a good idea. “we are going to die here anyways”! Well I am enchanted and definitely want to keep reading. You have created a great hook for your readers. Good job and good luck on your storybook project!
ReplyDeleteHello, I read through your introduction this week. I think you have really started off your storybook with a bang. This is a very good introduction story. I am very excited to hear what story the tree tells and how the kids do on the questions. There is one point where Jeevan is talking and says his name is Jeevan and Jeevan isn't capitalized, I would capitalize that. I also loved the color scheme for your storybook. The font size is a little on the small size for me, but your spacing is very large, which is something I really enjoyed. Your tree picture is absolutely wonderful. I think it is a great visual for the talking try. I like that there are bad guys in the story, the aunt and uncle. There is also tragedy. It is a great beginning to what I assume will be an amazing storybook.
ReplyDeleteIntroduction:
ReplyDeleteThis story really makes me want to read about what happens next. The setting for the story is done well. I like how you had two children abandoned by family in a forest. It really speaks of the futility of the situation of the children. The children’s situation makes me angry with the aunt and uncle and makes me feel for the children so good job on breaking out the emotions of the reader. I like how the paragraph spacing but on the second half of the paper you went to double breaks when I think they should only be single breaks. The double breaks make it hard to read and cause breaks in the reading for the reader. Something else I would fix is that part of the story you have “character – “and at other parts, you have “character said” I would recommend switching to “character said” the other one is like reading a transcript.
Super stoked about your tree photo. I am pretty confused about Vethal. You spell the name as Vethal, Veetal, Vetaal, and Betal. Which one is it? Or are you meaning to spell it differently every time for a reason? So far I enjoyed reading your piece, but there are some things I would change. They aren’t life-threatening, or I guess “story-threatening”, but it would make it easier to read and understand. It seems you have two styles of writing. One is in a dialog/narrative (“he said”, “she replied”) and the other is in a script setup (Tree-“blah blah”). Second, your spacing on the introduction page is a little distracting. You are double spaced in some areas and triple spaced in others. I would make sure that you pay attention to formatting when pasting your writing into google sites, it distorts it sometimes. Overall, the changes that I mentioned are minor and your story seems to be pretty interesting! Also, I left a comment, so please don't kill the duck.
ReplyDeleteHi Anu! I've read through your introduction, and it seems like you've already addressed most of the issues that everyone else pointed out. I think it's a really good start and a very interesting premise. The idea of adding a question at the end of each section will allow you to add a lot to the story of Shena and Jeevan, as well as reinforcing the main points of the stories about Vikram and Vetal. I really like your storybook layout. The colors are nice and very complimentary, but don't distract from the stories. Everything seems very easy to read and navigate, and you've chosen some really great pictures to help illustrate your storybook. One thing I would point out is that the caption for your introduction page is off-centered and it's a bit distracting. Otherwise, it seems like you're headed in the right direction. The stories of Vetal and Vikram are really interesting, so I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with them!
ReplyDeleteHi Anu! I really liked reading your story book! I thought the layout and design you chose look great. I also liked how you wrote the introduction. There is so much drama I can already tell. You did a great job so far. I was able to follow along easily without any trouble. The story between Vetal and Vikram sounds really interesting. I can't wait to read more. Great Job Anu!
ReplyDeleteI like what you did with your site. Everything looks good. The colors go well with each other and the pictures you used matched your story. The story content itself is also pretty good. I like how your doing at as narrative done by the tree and not a story about the adventures of the children. For each question in the story, is it going to have moral aspect to it or are they going to be just basic questions about the story? You had some minor grammar issues. Some of the quotation marks are facing the wrong direction. Another thing is that some of your wording is repetitive. Your story mentions a lot “he or she said then an adjective.” Try changing it up adding different words liked cried, roars, and yelled. Anyways, I can not wait for what you have next in your story good luck
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of a tree as a storyteller. Since they stay in the same spot for hundreds of years; it seems like they must have a good insight to the happenings of their residence. I also like your use of dialogue, especially the tree’s dialogue. You should consider changing up your sentence structure. It seems that you can combine sentences and reword some of the first paragraph, for instance, to spice things up a little bit. I don’t know the story of Vikram and Vetal, but it will make your story powerful if you Shena and Jeevan’s story parallels the story that Budhi tells. This story also reminds me of the story of Hansel and Gretel. Finally, I really like the picture you chose. It really enhances my ability to imagine the situation, and it gives the tree a personality. I look forward to reading the rest of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteAnu, I really like the title of your storybook! The only thing that I noticed was that you do not have any text underneath your first story, “Vikram”. I am assuming that there is supposed to be text here, but maybe there was just an error and you have to go back in and input that! I hope that me pointing this out helps! Otherwise, your introduction looks great! It has a lot of potential to make a really great storybook! I love how you wrote the dialogue between the different characters speaking to each other. I really felt like I was there in the moment and it helped me to visualize exactly where you are trying to go with your storybook. I think you are an excellent writer and I cannot wait to see what you end up writing for the rest of your storybook in the future! Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHey what’s up Anu! This is the first time I am reading your storybook. So far it seems really interesting. It is cool how you are telling a story within a story. The talking tree reminds me of the story “Riddles of the Lake” in Mahabharata. When I look at the color scheme of your storybook gives me the idea of adventure. The color scheme fits with the idea of your storybook. – Comments on the Introduction
ReplyDeleteI read your first story and I like it a lot. I have one question though: Why did the monk put the gems in the fruit? I like your writing because it is very easy to follow. Your story will be even better when you add more details to it. Towards the end of the story you had one grammar mistake that I spotted. It should be, “The monk seemed so happy to see the king and told him what the favor was.” Good luck on the rest of your story. – Comments Story 1
The introduction flowed well into the first story. After the introduction and the story Vikram I was interested in what happened next. I liked how you had Budhi tell the story of Vikram and how you used Shena and Jeevan as the main characters of the story. It gave the story that Budhi told a nice touch. The spacing in the stories was good and it was easy to read. One thing that you might think on changing would be to move most of “Jeevan said” to the front of the sentence and then follow with what he said. In some cases the original works better but in others I think that may work better. For the picture in VIkram it might be better to in-large the photo and place it higher in the text because if I did not know that it was included I might have missed it. Good job on your storybook so far.
ReplyDeleteHey Anu! This is my first post for your Storybook! I really like the design for your Storybook site. It was very pretty, however, it is a huge contrast to the image of Vikram and Vethal on your cover page. The design has a flowery, girly feel, but that image is pretty creepy! Your introduction was very well written! The dialogue helped improve it so much! It flowed very well, especially into your first story of “Vikram.” The story was very descriptive and well written. The author’s note was detailed. It seems as if though your Image information for the story is missing, because there is not a visible description written for it. Good job on everything you have done so far! Good luck with the rest of your Storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Anu! I just read your story "Vikram." I really liked how you led into it with some lines of dialogue between Budhi and Shena. This helps add to their characters and makes the transition into the story about Vikram much smoother. Also, including lines within the body of the story describing how Budhi is narrating helps make sure the reader is aware of the external story also going on. I liked where you were headed with the story, but it seemed a bit short. You did a really nice job of describing Vikram and his appearance, but it was a bit hard to follow what exactly was going on with the fruits and the gems. This was partially due to a few punctuation errors, so maybe if you have time, you could go back and proofread it a bit more carefully. I really liked the image you chose for this story because it helps reaffirm the monk as a very important character to what is going on. One change I would make is that the caption seems to be placed very far left of the picture. I'm not sure if this is a problem with my computer maybe, but it might be worth checking to make sure it's okay. Overall, I really liked where you were going with this story and I look forward to seeing how it continues!
ReplyDeleteHi Anu! Thank you so much for reading my blog for this class! Thank you for all the feedback that you have given me! It has definitely helped me improve my writing! I loved reading your blog as well- your writing and stories have definitely been an inspiration. You are such a great friend and I appreciate that! Good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Anu! I was super excited when I realized you were pulling inspiration from Ryder's Twenty-Two Goblins. I am the middle of reading that for my last story and it is definitely unique compared to the other stories in the reading choices for this class. I like your image choices for your Storybook! The one of Budhi is perfect and just what I would have imagined. I definitely encourage you to add at least one more story to let your readers get the conclusion of the story. I am also very interested to see how you translate the story into your own version.
ReplyDeleteI do not want to spoil the rest of the story for the other people in our class.I just really encourage everyone to take a look at this story. It is a very different way of telling an indian epics story. Keep up the great work!
Hello! This is my first time visiting your storybook, and I am overall impressed. I have visited your blog in the past, so I was excited to finally get a chance to look over your storybook! As the semester comes to an end, I am trying to make sure I've had a chance to go through each person's project as each one is so unique. I love your layout and design! I am not great with that stuff, so I'm a little jealous you figured out how to make yours so cute. I like the girly design, but was surprised to find your writing quite the opposite of girly and happy! Your introduction was great and flowed very well. I was interested the whole time, and thought the dialogue you included made me more invested in the story and excited to read the rest of your storybook. Overall, I think you have done a really great job bringing your project together! Great work!
ReplyDeleteGreetings! I have read your story entitled Vikram. The story was fun to read, but it makes a lot more sense when I read the introduction again. I guess one of the questions I have is wasn’t there supposed to be a question at the end of each story? I guess perhaps you were going to continue the story and ask a question then. It seems that Budhi was rather harsh on the children even though he took pity on them during the introduction. I think your story would have flowed better had you split the long portion of storytelling into multiple paragraphs. With regards to your picture I think that the picture makes sense, but maybe a picture of Budhi would have been more appropriate because he seemed to be the focus of the overall story. Overall the story was interesting and I wish I could read the rest of it!
ReplyDelete